he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
