So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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