I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So many bounce houses so little time
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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