Apparently you make a good broom.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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