he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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