you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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