All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
