i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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