Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
