it hurts more in the daytime
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
