last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
