i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
