Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
