You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
