After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
