I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
