hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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