i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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