Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
