Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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