i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
