if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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