Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
