last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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