She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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