I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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