Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
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I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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