was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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