Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
