Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
