Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We need a shit load of segways right now
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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