I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
