I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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