Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
