White coat. Heels.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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