My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
