I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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