I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't deserve a penis
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
