She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
