First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
