WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
