god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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