Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
