how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
