Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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