so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
