RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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