I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
