Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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