Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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