so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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