Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
