I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
