Banned from zoo.
Again?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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