fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This house was built for laser tag.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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