my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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