yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
