she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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