I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
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you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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