we're chasing vodka with high fives
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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