Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
