Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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