i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
