his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
wow bdsm is so cute
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
