There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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