I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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