piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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