I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
