I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
