My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
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