then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
