Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
