I think I won the penis lottery.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
