You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
