One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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