Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All the doctor said was why
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
