I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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