her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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