I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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