peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
