he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
