my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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