Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
