Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
