Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize