I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
